Over the years two childhood friends, Michael and Sarah,
grew very close to one another. They met on the playground at school one day
and became inseparable. In their teens when they were looking to go to college
the two longed to remain together because they were in love. Unfortunately,
however much they loved each other didn’t matter to their mothers. Each mother
saw the potential her child had and wished them to go to a certain university
for their specialty degree. Unfortunately for the two the colleges were on
opposite sides of the country. The summer after graduation the two decided to
run away so that they could stay together. They snuck out in the middle of the
night and met up at the local park.
They didn’t have much money but they knew nothing could stand
in between their love. They spent a couple of days on the move going from motel
to motel, distancing themselves from home. One night they were making their way
to their next stop when they were jumped by some gang members. Sarah hid behind
a dumpster while Michael tried to fight them off. It was a heroic but foolish
effort because he was outnumbered 3 to 1. H knew he had to protect Sarah
though. Some other men walked by, saw the struggle, and drove the gang members
away. They took Michael to one of their apartments so he could get some food
and rest. He was beat up pretty badly
and didn’t think of Sarah as he was half carried by the men. Once at the
apartment he was shown to the guest bedroom and passed out on the bed.
Meanwhile back in the alley, Sarah was still hiding behind
the dumpster. The shock of such a traumatic event paralyzed her. She couldn’t even
speak when the other men took Michael away. Without realizing she ever went to
sleep she awoke to the sounds of traffic in the morning still hidden behind the
dumpster. She had no money, no food, and no belongings. Everything the two had
was in a backpack carried by Michael. Alone in a foreign city Sarah was scared
to death. She walked into a nearby diner and explained her situation to the
manager. He laughed in her face and kicked her out when she asked for some
food. This happened again and again for
days until she was forced to dig for scraps out of the trash. She was filthy,
starving, and completely hopeless that she would ever see Michael again.
She began living her life on the streets. Making it by on
what she could scavenge out of dumpsters. One night when she returned to her
normal sleeping spot there was a man in her spot. When the man saw her he
attacked her and threw her onto the ground pressing her face into the pavement.
This was the lowest of the low points in her life when she didn’t even care
what he did to her or if he even killed her. Before she knew it the man was no
longer on top of her. She turned around in time to see another man punching him
and scaring him off. She was overcome with happiness when she saw the face of
her savior. It was Michael! The two embraced and promised to never be separated
again. She was taken back to the apartment he was now living in with the man
who helped him so many nights ago. He was a very kind man and said he would be
more than happy to have Sarah as well. She discovered that the two had been
searching for her nonstop since that one fateful night. Michael and Sarah
became best friends with the man and his girlfriend. They all went on to live
out the rest of their days together and happy.
Author’s Note: The
original story is called The Cat’s Elopement from the Lang Japanese Fairy Tale
unit. In the original story the two lovers were actually cats. Their owners
were so fond of them that neither would part with them so that they could live together
in one household. The two ran away and were separated after being attacked. A
servant of the princess stepped in and took the male cat back to her. He lived
with her but missed his wife every day. One day he stepped in between a larger
cat fighting a smaller one and discovered it was his love. She went back with
him to the palace where they lived for the rest of their days. In the original
story it followed the male cat and didn’t tell the reader what happened to the female
cat while he was at the palace. I chose to write the story in a more modern
context and use people as the main characters! Another big difference was that
during their time of separation I detailed the female’s point of view. I wanted
to show the struggles she would have encountered all alone in a different
place.
Great storytelling! I like how you conveyed emotion throughout your writing. I think they one thing that would help just a little bit would be to add more dialogue between your characters. I liked how you formatted your story by putting extra space between your paragraphs too. I really enjoyed reading your story, and I like the picture you chose as well!
ReplyDeleteI absolutely loved that story! The plot structure was great and your characters were conveyed so well! There were so many times that I was worried about the characters, and wondered what was going to happen next. It also had a great, but appropriate amount of action. Which, I was surprised to see was in the original myth as well. Speaking of, that was so awesome that you translated a story about two cats into a story about a couple so effectively!
ReplyDeleteI also liked the happy ending, it makes me wonder if I need more of those! (haha!) I tend to write bitter-sweet or sad endings.
The only thing I have to say to focus on next, is that you did do a great job of seperating your paragraphs. However, I think some of them were a little dense, with so much happening. Sometimes seperating paragraphs more is effective and easier on the eyes of your reader.
You can even make a paragraph (or two or three) only one sentence long! This brings the reader's attention to important points of your story.
Anyways, as I said, I really enjoyed reading this! Awesome writing, Kristin! (Oh, and cute picture of the cats!)